Slovakian Tales – 1

Time is an illusion, lunchtime doubly so. Apologies for the lack of posts!

***

[pictures shamelessly stolen from Fern's Facebook albums. Apologies, Coach!]

Slovakia was an interesting experience. I had traveled with the ACJC Debate team from the 11th to 17th of April for the Bratislava Schools Debating Tournament to the lovely capital city called, as the tournament goes, Bratislava. To be honest, I had a great time traveling with the team [Joshua, Mark, Jereme and Annabel] and coaches [Yi Ren, Fern and Mr. Kumu], especially with all the fun we had while we weren’t debating. Good times indeed. It’s been a few weeks since I returned, but the memories remain fresh! However, this post will deal with all but the debating.

This is the first part of the story.

~*~

The build up to the tournament had been quite cool. While we carried on with training and sparring on a varied set of motions and issues, we took quite a bit of time figuring out the set of prepared motions all teams were given. The interesting bit here was that all teams were expected to debate both sides on both issues so that meant that firstly, we needed 4 solid cases and secondly, we needed to know how to break our own cases. As funny as it sounds, we spent quality time ironing out the chinks and got ourselves ready. It was rather fun writing these cases, especially since they dealt with issues from 2012 namely those related to copyright violations and the curious case of Syria. Besides training et al, we had a good amount of what our coaches call ‘welfare’, through good meals and otherwise. It was also a good time where we really got together and put our heads to the task. I’ve always mentioned how training is “a time with the bros”, and truly our bro-ness was over the top!

The night we left was brilliant. The seniors, along with Nick were all there to see us off! We all were dressed in our fine debate hoodies and were ready to rumble. We took a few pictures at the airport and while the rest bid adieu to their parents, I called home to tell mom what was up. We had a good talk indeed. It’s rather strange, but I’ve never been on an overseas trip with the family. It’s always been for some competition or the other, and mostly on my own or with different groups of people. Should probably earn cash and plan a trip with everyone for 2013 or later.

Over the past 4-5 months we’ve trained with our coaches, I’ve realized that they’re pretty cool people in their own way. We have our intellectual friend in Yi Ren who really knows everything, and then there’s the commando Fern, who’s ready to rip things with his bare hands, and also enjoys the odd game of Hold ‘em. I was introduced to this in-flight game called “Trivial” by my coaches who were willing to play this on multiplayer. The game is much like a multiple choice quiz with questions ranging from a rather wide array of topics. After playing (and getting embarrassed) around 30 odd questions, we switched games and tried out old-school classics like Pong and Tetris, along with team Poker. Truth be told, we played like idiots with most of us going all in for most rounds as if it were a Shootout! We played on, ate the good Emirates food, slept and played some more and next thing we knew, we were in Dubai.

Dubai and the trip to Prague thereafter was rather uneventful. Most of our time at the Dubai International Airport was spent waiting for the transit period to elapse, and we spent this time walking around, buying delicious cupcakes, working through a few motions and sleeping the rest of it off. Personally, I love how all the Duty-free store employees at the DIA wear lovely green blazers! The flight to Prague was quite boring, especially since the entertainment system was different and hence we couldn’t play a lot of multiplayer games with each other. Most of us took time to catch up on sleep/get accustomed to ‘changes in time zones’/catch up on movies. Once we landed in Prague, we could sense it was a prelude to the kind of weather we would expect in Bratislava. It was chilly and much colder than what Singapore usually is like – hot and humid. We had a chartered bus that drove us all the way to Slovakia in little under 5 hours, a trip I slept through, and woke up outside Hotel Astra, Bratislava, Slovakia. What was even better was that our ol’ coach and friend Hygin flew in from London to  join us later that night. How much we had missed him!

~*~

It’s one thing to expect buildings that look like they’re from the Soviet times, it’s another thing to find a Chinese restaurant in the middle of nowhere. Having lived in Singapore for quite some time, I’ve grown bored of eating Chinese food, something which wasn’t as authentic in New Delhi especially with Nepalese shop owners filling up the roles for the Chinese. But then again, it’s quite an experience having Chinese food in the middle of Europe. We all took good portions from the buffet before unpacking our stuff in the room and getting ready to rest.

The dibs system (as promoted by Barney Stinson) is a rather cruel one. For one, it relies on sharpness of the mind, something which can take a backseat when you’re drained out. My room had a double and a single bed, and this was meant for Joshua and me. The moment we opened the door to our room, he called ‘Dibs on the double bed!’, and I had nothing more to say. Mark and Jereme had it easy with two single beds and nothing to call dibs on while Annabel had it the easiest – she had an entire room to herself! But in all honestly, I slept like a king all snuggled up in the bed with the quilt provided. It was so good that I just love lying in bed and not leaving it, so much so that Joshua took the role of my mother in waking me up almost every day.

Joshua: Eh Agrim, wake up wake up.
Me: erm…hmmm….5 minutes boss.
Joshua: Oi quick la wake up wake up.
Me: *mumble mumble* mmm waking up…
Joshua: Agrim I’m not your freakin’ mother, get the hell out of bed!

And so it was on other days Mark would just use all his Hulk strength and pull me out of bed. Lucky none of this happened, or else I wouldn’t have been able to show up for debates!

Hotel Astra was not bad at all. Apart from hogging bandwidth over the wireless internet, the room was recently furnished and breakfast served was quite tasty. Sometimes, it’s expectations which determine what we really consider good or bad. Going in with pre-conceived expectations usually ruins everything.

We were lucky to have the day off on 12th, which we spent running through cases and shopping. The biggest mall in Bratislava, the Eurovea, looks a lot like Ion Orchard in terms of the glass finish and lighting. The location was amazing as the Danube flowed right behind the mall, a location where we spent a good hour taking pictures. We got ourselves a great lunch there, including the very famous Joe’s Lemonade along with multiple huge pizzas! The lemonade was particularly brilliant and I finally understood what the hype was all about. This was followed by furious rounds of shopping and a quick dinner after which we were secretly briefed about the night’s plan.

Our dear captain, Joshua, was finally coming of age. The young lad deserved a party and more and thus the coaches and Mr. Kumu helped organize a small birthday bash for him before the tournament started. Once we got back from shopping and dinner, I distracted Josh while the others prepared with cake and drinks. Suddenly all went dark and we started singing and taking pics of Mr. Captain who was quite surprised and wasn’t expecting any of it. There was a nice chocolate cake and for drinks we had a Disney Special. While I was undecided on whether there was just coke or alcohol, turns out it was neither. What initially seemed like a champagne bottle turned out to be some sweetened juice with a Hannah Montana cover. Obviously, Josh got his “best of both worlds” moment. This was followed by a round of toasts and Josh cutting the cake, after which we all ate and disappeared. As dear roommates, Mark and I did our bit by smearing Josh’s face with the remaining bits of cake because no birthday is complete without a cake smash. [Due to graphic nature of event, picture has not been uploaded] . We all retired for the night shortly after since Friday the 13th was up next, which meant that it was time to debate and have some fun.

~*~

The organizers had planned a city tour for us in the morning before beginning the tournament proper. We were taken to the Bratislava Castle and around the old city which was quite beautiful. It was a bit weird at first since we were wearing our Number 1′s and strutting around all formal and wondering about when the two rounds for the day will begin, but then the inner tourists emerged and with them came out cameras and a hundred pictures. It was quite an enriching trip with the organizers guiding us around and being extremely helpful. The Old City was also host to the old National Theatre building which looked grand and classic, and we walked around the old city during the Break Night as well where we saw all the glory in the night light. Following the tour, we got lunch at one of the local taverns which was amazingly old-school in terms of interiors with the use of barrels for seats and wooden interiors to give it a smooth finish. The lunch, however, created it’s own problems that manifested itself as results of Friday the 13th, but more on that later.

Shortly after, we reached the school where the BSDCs were being hosted and started with the tournament. The teams were quite good and even with English as a second language, they were persuasive and confident. Debates were followed by a combined dinner for all teams at this restaurant not so far from the hotel. It was ultimately packed and it took quite a while to get seats and finally get food.

When one waits, one hunts for wi-fi. When one finds wi-fi, one doesn’t care.

I think this became a team thing that whenever we were out and bored, we would whip out our phones/iPods and hunt for wi-fi and the moment any of us found an unsecured hotspot, we would all log on simultaneously and immerse ourselves on apps like Twitter, Facebook and WhatsApp. Productivity at it’s finest.

Dinner was also where things got a bit messy. Annabel started having a really sore throat and Jereme wasn’t feeling quite well. While Jereme had a bit of his soup and rested himself for a bit, Annabel spammed copious amounts of salt in her water and started chugging it down all at once. [There are pictures available and will be updated soon]. The dinner wasn’t the greatest and we all trudged home knowing there was more to follow in the coming days. Once we were back, Jereme promptly went to bed feeling all giddy and we all thought it was just the long day we’d all had, so we let him be. What followed next morning was horror. Jereme was frail as ever and all pale. Mark informed that he’d been vomiting the entire night and sickness was at its prime. Josh and I were stunned and didn’t know how to react, so we called the coaches. We established that he won’t be able to debate on the day and immediate line-up changes were needed with regards to the 3 debates scheduled for the day. I was up.

Now, to be honest I wasn’t expecting any of this. I had mentally psyched myself to be a productive setter but hadn’t been practicing in a speaking role for a while now, and suddenly I was going to fill in till the time Jereme recovered, and it didn’t look exactly promising on the day. It was overwhelming at first, but the coaches and teammates were great in putting enough faith and trust in me to do the job. I was severely short on confidence and it was a bit too much too early on a Saturday morning. What was interesting was how this all happened. Friday’s lunch at the tavern was the turning point. Jereme and I had exactly the same thing, the same soup in bread and a schnitzel dish. He ended up with food poisoning and I was fine as a fiddle. What saved me? Probably my Indian upbringing was at the forefront, and all the exposure to street food and the works. Anyway it would have been suicide to have 2 out of 5 members down with food poisoning. Jereme was whisked to the hospital while we changed and got ready to roll on day 2…

[how did the day unfold? more coming up in Part 2!]

8:53 pm.

Hawker Centre meal: Rice, Meats and Veggies – check.

With school back in full swing, life is back to the old routine – leave before sunrise and return after sunset. Taxing as it might be, I really think I love this life. The first half of the day usually revolves around regular lessons, lunch with friends and additional lessons, but the second half of the day is really what makes my day – catching up with people from other form classes and finally going off to spend some quality time training with my Debate buddies. Fair to say, we’ve really grown as a family; we’ve seen and been through enough trials and suffering to back each other when we’re down, or push each other to achieve more. While it does mean that I must return late to my hostel, 8:53 pm being today’s timing, I really believe that this is time well spent and enjoy every single moment.

***

People who know me would probably know about my obsession with hoodies. I have three of them in school colours red and blue (minus the yellow), which allows me to practically wear my hoodies to school and outside as well. These hoodies, while being comfortable and all, have a real snuggle feel to them which is why I never take them off while in school. Apart from the snuggle-fit which allows me to stay all cozy, they act as a real defense mechanism during lectures when a) I need to catch a few winks or b) I need to secretly listen to music. My usage of the hoodie and its secretive nature has branded me as the in-house “druggie”, and I really don’t mind! It’s pretty chill to have such a title, even though I may not really indulge in any such activities.

Today while traveling from school to hostel, I decided to get some sleep while on the Circle Line. Now, seeing how well lit the MRTs are and how people love creating chaos for no apparent reasons, and especially so during the evenings, I decided to retreat inside my hoodie like a Squirtle and promptly fell asleep. An important lesson learnt today would be that as an Indian boy, never hide inconspicuously in public places. Not only do people judge you, but it also increases the chances of them actually reporting you to the MRT staff who care to blare out messages like,

“If you see any suspicious looking persons or articles, please inform our staff. Thank You. “

I always make my journeys interesting. It’s worth the time spent.

***

I consider myself to be a rather sentimental man – I mean, I wouldn’t explicitly shed tears at the drop of a hat, but events and life situations really do have an impact on me, no matter how cool I try to seem when I pass such events in public as ‘meh’. I don’t even know what the public opinion on such issues usually is, so I could have been wrong all this while. Anyway, point is that I get moved really easily – be it movies or just general life experiences. Maybe this is probably why I like to listen to people’s stories and try to help them out if I can. Always worth seeing someone happy

Anyway, so a few nights back I was getting myself a late night snack post debates, and an old lady was taking my order. While I had seen her a couple of times before, on this occasion our conversation was rather surprising. She spotted the AC Crest on my debate tee and went “Boy you’re from ACJC?” . It’s not really an odd thing to say, but as the conversation went on, she told me about how her son was from Fairfield Sec and ACJC, and how she was working multiple shifts to get enough money to see her son graduate from a good university. She even posit the idea of sending him abroad, seeing how Singapore education is costlier in comparison.

I was left speechless.

I don’t come from a wealthy background, and with my share of troubles I could safely say “been there, done that”. But  I never quite appreciated my situation, or the help I’ve been given, till I met this lady. Appreciation, motherly sacrifice…a few terms loosely thrown around, yes, but there is a real deep meaning to all this. This is precisely why I love talking to random people – insights into their lives almost always opens up a window into yours, and you’re left in a position to introspect and reflect from an angle you’ve never quite imagined. Surreal, enriching and fascinating indeed.

***

I’ve never quite grappled with the idea of ‘family’, but I’ve always understood it as a construct of belonging. I miss my family, I really do. It’s hard spending times away from them when you really want to let them know about all the exciting times in Singapore, and at the same time learn about what’s going on back home and how my mom, my aunt and my grandparents are keeping up. Such realizations don’t quite hit me all the time, but it happened a couple of days back when it was my Grandpa’s birthday. It was cool to have talked to him over phone, but I really miss his quirks around these days. Still hope that I’ve done justice to all that’s he’s ever expected of me, and hope to continue doing so evermore.

I sure will.

***

Friends these days are having problems of their own, and while I really think it’s fair enough for me to not know about these issues, I really feel guilty for not helping them in whatever capacity I can. My twitter feed is a never ending list of emo-quotes, song lyrics, rants and unfulfilled promises that hurt people in more ways than one, and I can’t help but notice how most of them need a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on. I guess sharing is a pretty good way to deal with such issues, although I’ve been guilty on multiple occasions of not doing this myself. You’ve just got to let it out somewhere, I guess, and talking to a friend might be the way out.

Enough of this rant, the weekend is here. Time to unwind, relax and drift away to some jazz in the background.

Welcome, 2012

2011 is over at last. As much as I’d love to follow the herd and curse the year gone by, I’d say 2011 wasn’t too bad for me, although I’d accept that it wasn’t as good as it could have been. The last year, for me, was more about introspection and making decisions that decide how I roll in 2012. Decisions ranging from personal work ethics to co-curricular activities, moving residences to additional subject options. This ‘activity’ of decision making will only gather pace when I start deciding on which colleges to apply to, whether to apply early or through regular, who to get recommendations from and what to really write about in my essays.

Gosh 2012 seems like a horrible year. The horror!

But hey, I can’t decide on the outcomes without experiencing them for myself! So it’s best that I let the year take its course and hopefully turn out the way I’d like it to be.

2011, in general, was a real roller coaster. Arab Spring, India’s World Cup win, Rebecca Black, the meme explosion - it all happened this year. Along with these came deaths, and a lot of them. Deaths of technological brains like Dennis Ritchie and Steve Jobs, deaths of dictators/terrorist minds like bin Laden, Gaddafi and Kim Jong-il, deaths of film legends like Dev Anand and Sidney Lumet among the many others who passed away this year left us with mixed memories – happiness at the end of a tyrannical reign and sadness at the departure of visionaries who lit up their fields of expertise.

Google’s Zeitgeist, as last year, captures the essence of all that happened through the year, month by month, day by day. Here’s the video to go with it:

Here are a few things that I cherish from 2011 -

1. New Friends

By the sheer process of ‘decision making’, I’ve gotten myself stuck in a situation where friendships are what you make of them – transient once contact is lost, else permanent. The move from India to Singapore already reduced the number of people I was in contact with by half, and with every year in a foreign land, this number only goes down. While I did meet new people in Singapore last year, the process of National Service and existing friend circles really doesn’t let the friendships establish  - a year is never enough, I guess. Luckily, or I’d choose to believe, I met a host of people with varied interests and opinions who I’ve grown close to in the last year. Be it pure geeks with whom I play Dungeons and Dragons every other week, debaters with whom I practically live in school, musicians with whom I got to play with at the Singapore Youth Festival or others who I met through common friends, interests or a casual greeting while in lectures or during breaks, or as classmates! I’m really glad to have met such a diverse bunch.

2. Leaving the sinking ship?

I spent my first year being a part of the Science and Math council at school, and over a year I realized I wasn’t really going anywhere with it. While admittedly I did indulge in furthering my scientific interests and did get to compete at certain events (and win), it just drew to a halt after a time, and that really led me to question – am i learning anything new?

This prompted me to try out more ‘artistic’ pursuits like writing, which I continue as a writer on the school blog at maniAC, and also try out for Debate as a CCA. I had always done Model UN conferences and loved discussing issues regarding international affairs with friends, which pushed me further to audition and try whether , firstly, would I make the cut, and secondly, whether debates really was something I’d like to do.

The rest, as I’d say, is history. I joined the CCA, learned how to argue, and that too convincingly (still working on this!), worked on formats I had never even heard of, and en route met some of the most amazing people – coaches, teachers and team mates. It would be safe to call ourselves a ‘family’, a word I wouldn’t use too loosely. We camp in school till late, grab lunch/dinner together, stay on phone/email throughout and return the next day only to bump into each other during breaks/common lessons or at Starbucks. We’ve grown used to each other to the extent that we can predict reactions for each person to different genres of products – movies, music or otherwise. We come together and dance to the Das Boot music, train hard and have a great time.

While you’re at it, watch Das Beer Boot. Hilarious and a sure motivator. Ignore the underlying homoerotic theme.

What’s even better is that I rekindled my love for reading through this CCA. Earlier, I was lazy to pick up a book and reading stalled. Even if I did pick up one, I’d not finish it since ennui would get the better off me and gaming or Facebook would seem like a better option. This is in stark contrast to me 5 years back, when I’d probably read anything that came my way. Luckily (or unluckily), debating warrants a lot of argumentation (surprise surprise) which hinges on knowledge and examples. This drive to excel as a debater got me back to books, journals and academic material online and I was back to reading, even if it isn’t books per se. A refreshing change from me in 2010 where I’d play Mafia Wars till the end of day. 2011 was different, and it’s all thanks to the CCA that I’ve sold myself to, and for a good reason. I still continue to work for the SMC though, but in limited capacity.

3. New laptop

Call me a materialistic butt-hole, but technology and technological products is something I live for. While I did buy a laptop in Feb 2010 with the intention of using it till before college, I grew out of it. It got slow, and I wanted greater performance for 3D renders, both on games as well as visual projects. This changed after a win at the Adobe Design competition, where I got ‘blessed’ with a laptop and a CS5 master suite with my favourite work platform, Photoshop. Life has been great since then, because this ‘beast’ (I’m getting bored of this, but it still does all I want it to!) allows me to play Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 without hiccups along with Burnout Paradise. It is true that you cannot satisfy a tech-savvy man’s hunger for newer and better products, but this will probably do till end 2012/mid 2013. Question still is, why am I playing NES and GBC games on emulators with such a cool setup?

What I’d want in 2012 would be a new phone, preferably running Android and with good audio, since my iPod Touch is already prehistoric according to Apple Inc.

With every new year, most (if not all) of us decide on certain ‘New Year’s resolutions” that they’d like to fulfill in the coming year. Personally, I’ve never been good with resolutions since they turn out to be extremely ideal, and procrastination/laziness pushes me to devise shortcuts to reach those goals, which again fails. This year’s resolutions won’t be as ideal as previous years, but will be a target that is intangible all the same – targets that allow me to push as far as possible, true to myself.

1. Excellence as a student

Academics has been my least of concerns in the past 3 years, and I really don’t know why. I’d choose to believe that studying as an activity/chore is boring, but when there is no option, you have to go for it. Physics and Math at this stage seem like interesting subjects, but I thoroughly hate Chemistry. With the big dreams of taking a H3 on top of these, I’ll have to pull harder than ever before. Challenge Accepted, I guess – there is no option anyway!

2. Excellence as a debater

There is enough evidence to suggest that I am totally in love with debates and all things related to it. Friendly spars, research readings, discussions and talks. There have been days when I’ve skipped school, but gone back only to attend training – that is the level of love I hold for this mental ‘sport’, an activity for intellectual masturbation as we’d call it. With the next 6 months ahead of us until Nationals, I want to improve further, both in terms of content and argumentation depth. While this is an ongoing process, I’d still like to make it a resolution, an aim I need to achieve at all costs. The learning curve is steep, but it can and has been done before and I got to do it!

3. Exploring the musical side again

Music took a backseat (ask Rebecca Black) after coming to Singapore, and luckily it has received its first signs of defibrillation! What started off as a percussion accompaniment for the Guitar Ensemble is moving to a Bollywood-style harmonium & tabla performance for a drama skit. This, accompanied with the presence of pianos around school, allow me to play and remember the old songs I had learnt and at the same time explore newer songs and compositions out there. Coldplay’s Mylo Xyloto got me learning their song “Paradise“, which I must say is beautiful!

If time permits, I need to learn how to use Mixcraft/Ableton Live/Fruity Loops properly so that I can mix my own melodies and possibly make electronic/dubstep music. This would be a perfect starting point before I eventually get my dream Macbook Pro, a machine that is designed to handle these apps perfectly

4. Write more

I cannot believe this, but I say this every damn year. I plan to write, but my blog remains a graveyard with umpteen number of draft posts and a handful of published ones. Now that I’m writing for the school blog as well, I will make it a point to post here as well, something I haven’ done last year. In addition to that, I shall write more – write about life, the universe and everything! There are a few posts in the pipeline, but I dearly hope I stay motivated enough to write and push that publish button!

2012 seems like an interesting year in store. A host of activities, school buzz and applications. What I must ensure is that I have fun doing all of this since firstly, these activities are not chores, and secondly, I chose to be in a situation like this (damn this sounds negative). Point is, enjoyment needs to be interspersed.

Speaking of enjoyment, Lamb of God and Judas Priest are coming to town in 49 days time!

Till later!

Everyday I’m Shuffling

Woke up this morning to bright sunshine, assuming it’s around 11 AM. Darn, another day when I woke up late. Sigh.

I woke up early by ‘mistake’. DAMN.

Sigh. Again. Now I’ll feel guilty if I waste these four hours of my life which I have, ahem, recovered.

It’s really tough getting out of the bed, and it only gets worse for people like me who choose to sleep with their laptops beside them. Now for those who don’t know, I’m not really an early riser, and even 8.30 AM is darn early in the morning. For those who’ve seen me sleep for hours together (and have taken the trouble of waking me up), they know that nothing in this world is good enough. Loud music, vibrating cellphones, fireworks…nothing works. There have been times when Delhi has been hit by earthquakes and I’ve slept through all the violent shakes and tremors.

Ah, I love sleeping, it is the best thing in life.

***

Somehow, there’s never that one day when there’s nothing to do. Everyday, for some reason, there’s stuff to do. Assignments, readings, submissions, more readings…and no, I’m not referring to the arduous school work, but work in general. And this is where procrastination comes in. I love doing things the next day, but probably not in the moment.

It never happens.

But over the last year things have changed. Self motivation and the need to ‘love your work’ in order to do it makes things easier to approach and deal with. It’s not even much about the ‘need’ to love work, rather it’s about doing things you love most, and doing them well. The other approach of ‘needing to love’ comes in when you really need to get work done. So, love is essential.

***

Love is a rather interesting phenomenon. People love all sorts of things like TV Shows, celebrities, philosophical ideas, God, and of course other people. While it has always been an intangible idea, I’ve always found it difficult to understand. How does one know he/she actually loves something and differentiating between the ideas of liking and loving are two major questions that always come up. Personally, while I may ‘like’ certain things in life (and a million things on Facebook), I really don’t know what I love the most. I might love Physics, I don’t really know…but is there really a way to know this or is it intuitive?

The idea of loving other people is also one I’ve never understood. While phrases like ‘I love you’ fly around on online forums, or in schools or colleges, the true meaning is never established. Is it momentary, this idea of love, or is it permanent, a feeling meant to last forever? I wouldn’t know, I’ve never found true love! But from what I gather, you must ‘mean’ the phrase in order to get it’s deepest idea out in the open.

I’m 18. I should know all these things. Life is a learning journey, yes.

***

Morning movie shows are great – there are barely any people in the theater, and if there are any, you can get to see ‘stuff’ happening between them. Point is, movies in the morning can be enjoyed to the max since you practically have the entire theater to yourself. Student prices at Cathay Cineplexes only add to the fun.

I am not a creepy stalker please. They were sitting behind me, this couple. More later.

Caught a few movies in the last couple of weeks. “Four Lions” talked about four incompetent Jihadis pushing their dream of glory to its breaking point, and while the dialogues got me rolling on the floor howling away (I could do that, empty theater), the end got to me. For most part of the movie, the slew of regional cultural references made me actually see the movie objectively, since I could really relate to what they showed and what they talked about. Add to it the cursing in Hindi/Punjabi/Urdu, and you have a delightful movie. At the same time, it also discussed the taboo issue of Jihad and unapologetically offers a plethora of questions around motivation, meaning and justification which it never falls into the trap of giving patronizing, melodramatic answers to nor does it preach any solutions. The actors were great, and the film ended with too many questions about Jihad left unanswered, which will probably encourage discussions among people who hold opinions on this issue, and also those who watched the movie.

Out of all the dialogues in the movie, this one had me going all ROFLcopter:

The report makes crystal clear that the police shot the right man, but as far as I’m aware, the wrong man exploded. Is that clear?

The other movie I watched was “Johnny English Reborn“. While the story-line is similar to the first movie, this was the movie which made a clear distinction between Johnny English and Mr. Bean. For a long time now, Rowan Atkinson has been seen as Mr. Bean, so much so that people don’t know his real name! Yes, Mr. Bean might have been his big break, but he’s been in a number of comedy sketches and movies as well. Johnny English Reborn is not another Mr. Bean movie, rather it brings out the differences in a subtle manner. Again, yes, he’s a secret agent by accident, he blows up stuff when he doesn’t want to, but it doesn’t happen all the time, especially in the new movie where you’d expect him to fail, but he comes out as if nothing happened. Great stuff, Mr. English.

About that ‘stuff’ that happened. Before the movie started, this couple sitting behind me started canoodling like they haven’t met in a year or two. Sure, I’m no expert on this subject, but it really looked like the guy was trying to either get his money’s worth, or trying to get as much as possible in the limited time that he had. Cathay encourages such activities with its Couple Seats, but hey, the movie is on, half the theater is looking at you! You can’t be PDAing all the way! Additionally, the girl was ugly.

Anyway, what I did take from this movie was that from now on, if I hear the sound of a vacuum cleaner, I’m going to shit my pants. This Chinese woman (Lim Pik-Sen) in the movie turned out to be an assassin, with her vacuum cleaner/golf clubs turning into massive machine guns! Of course she’s famous for having acted in the popular “Mind Your Language” series, but she really was scary!

***

For the aptly titled blog, here’s a video of the North Korean Party Rock Anthem. They’re shuffling away! Featuring Kim Jong Il

Madrasan who?

Came across an open letter written by a “Madrasan“. While this open letter has elicit many a response, I’ll like to make my own point through a small letter of my own, open of course.

Dear Shahana (because if I call you Madrasan, you’ll go all kalaripayattu on me)

This is why the ‘Daalhi Bwoyz’ will hate you (and by logical extension, people of “Sawth Indiyeah”) .

It is indeed confusing to understand what you’re actually trying to fight against – are you against Delhi, Delhi-ites or just the good ol’ Punjabis? Your ‘open letter’ digresses time and again, and really leaves me in a fix – should I be laughing or should I be giving a fuck to all that you wrote, given that I’m not a Punjabi, but a Delhi boy all the same? And even if I were to give a fuck to all that you say, it is quite obvious that your ‘letter’ is a desperate attempt to deal with the rejections you’re facing in real life, because lets face it – age old stereotypes are long lost in a nation where from a very young age students are taught ‘all Indians are my brothers and sisters’ (or this is how I grew up, in Delhi of course).

“…autistic 3 year old on crack…” . And one thought only the ‘Delhi bwoys” were ignorant and insensitive. The ‘same-to-you-back-to-you-no-returns’ policy works best for you.

You talk about safety in Delhi. As pointed out by countless tweeters and bloggers, no – all Delhi-ites/Delhi bwoys/Punjabi hunks are  not rapists or an eve-teasers, and neither are we major oppressors who’d go out of the way to make you feel unsafe. I’d rather choose to believe that Punjabis/Delhi-ites are rather large-hearted people who’d do their best to make you feel at home, as opposed to raping you at first sight. But I digress, lets get back to your letter.

The first idea you deal with is how choose to dress up, and how our physical appearance merits the use of a borrowed bra. Well, in an ideal world where you’d go out of the way to espouse freedom to choose what you can and what you cannot do, you’re on the wrong foot – again. The idea that this dressing up is ‘discriminating’ against women is one I still can’t grapple with.

You further go on to link this with what we talk about at parties, which links up with the family’s hierarchy of power. Firstly, it really is none of your business telling us what we should be talking about, especially at parties. You really need to understand that Delhi is NOT Chennai – there are fundamental differences in how the cities evolved, how cultures have changed and how people choose to live in both cities. While you may find it difficult to adapt to such a city lifestyle, that is clearly your problem which you’re shifting to the entire populous in Delhi on the count that we’re insensitive. Sure, if you can’t take it, don’t listen – no one tied you in a chair and told you to listen to new tales about the recent SUV purchase – heck SUVs are not the prime mode of transportation anyway, and the maximum purchases of imported cars weren’t in Delhi or Mumbai – it was in Coimbatore, a South Indian city, if I may add. Additionally, we all love gadgets and cars, it’s probably one of those things that actually unite the entire nation. Getting back to you, if you’re olive skinned, or have long tresses, WE DON’T CARE. That is not discrimination. And even if it were ‘discrimination’, it is important to understand that this is an inherent human behavior to differentiate things around him/her – and this is not limited to Delhi. Singapore offers a similar story, where caucasians are called “ang mohs”, and a community comprising of Chinese, Malays and Indians thrives on these racial factors to differentiate, each in their own language and collectively in Singlish. But no, Delhi bwoys have been rather unkind to you. Apologies. On family structure – in short, while in North India (we’re moving from the Delhi issue here – case shift) men might hold greater power, the South Indian system is not a perfect one either, and we really don’t care beyond that. Every system makes concessions at various points, and while your property might be in your name, the very fact that you can’t sit with a boy on the same bench in colleges shows a glaring picture of what your system stands for. You really are confused.

Next set of ideas – our ‘engleees’ and other random assortments in a swirling vortex of entropy. Again, while you are trying your very best to be racist, commenting on how we may pronounce certain words, structure certain sentences or even calling our parents mom-dad, you’re missing on your side of the story. When you say ‘yearly in the mwarning’, it’s alright. When you refer to your parents as amma-appa, it is still fine. When a German refers to his parents as Mutter-Vater, or Eltern collectively, it is brilliant (more so because it is in a foreign language). But when a North Indian does that in ENGLISH, a language that isn’t even ours, a language that the South Indians prefer over Hindi, and more so with a phrase picked up from kiddie movies or Disney TV shows, it’s not cool. There needs to be an explanation for this please. Secondly, while you may crave this mental stimulation, you really haven’t engaged in proper discussions in forums or TV shows at NDTV, which might allow for some intellectual masturbation, if not more. If we were brought up on Gurdass Maan, you probably heard Carnatic Music during your formative years. None of us really gave a fuck about that, but you seem seriously offended by what we’re listening to. Bharatnatyam stands higher than, say, Kathak only because it is from Tamil Nadu, no? And lastly, chess. My ex-classmate, now first year college goer Parimarjan Negi is a Grandmaster. You chess-playing southies haven’t produced a single child prodigy in that sense, though you may play chess all day long. But we don’t go around bragging how awesomesauce North India is, only because we believe in One India, One Nation. Clearly, you’re of the opinion of taking the Telangana issue a notch higher and getting a separate country for yourself.

Your jokes are very lame, just so you know.

While college kids are trying their best doing something to change the system and taking a stand, you sit there near your laptop and churn out a series of condescending rants, dismissive of all the effort people are putting in whatever they stand for. Anna Hazare’s (if you know him, because he isn’t from South India) campaign was bolstered by college students, issues like poverty and street harassment are being raised by college students. What else do you expect them to do? They’re doing all they can, and it’s MUCH better than doing nothing at all.

The land of the ugly – double blow there woman. You’re not only stereotyping people from your state, but also refuting the fact that it is YOU who’s ugly – it is not their problem. When people like Asin and other south Indian beauties can make a positive mark for themselves, unlike you who’s in the news for all the wrong reasons, it’s no longer an issue of discrimination or racism, it is just you who needs a reality check.

Your insensitivity took a major boost when you mentioned Pakistan. A painful experience, excessive bloodshed, people losing their families and THIS is your go-to example if someone calls your mother ‘fair’? If you read the idea of discrimination above, you’ll understand why this dialogue comes up. It is just something no one would associate with a region we live in. North Indians might call themselves fair, but in another nation we’re all brown people who are the butt of all Russell Peters jokes. An honest question for you is but another excuse to assert how bad we all actually are. Shame on you.

The last bit of your letter – food, IIT, texting and physical prowess. Woman, what is your problem? South Indian food sells at every street corner in Delhi, but you seemed to have missed all those outlets. While you like cracking the IIT, by all means keep doing it. Friends from Vidyamandir, Chennai started their IIT preparations in class 8th – and that’s not a problem. Do what you want with your life, but if you get called out for it, accept it and move on. Rejection has been really hard on you. If Delhi-ites (we’re back again, case shifted) decide to go to the gym to be stronger and fitter, by all means. If it’s not happening down south, I really don’t see what’s the fuss. And if you’re too classy to receive greetings for a festival, in a nation where their are 20 languages and a gazillion different festivals, you’re in the wrong nation. People shouldn’t even wish you a Happy New Year, because you’ll probably be following some different calendar.

All in all, your letter has widened the gap between North and South Indians – you’ve brought in hatred when there were only cultural differences at first. Your letter has been an embarrassing outlet of all the anger, scorn and bitterness you harbour, putting you in the position what you initially set out to describe. You’ve not only offended a truckload of people, but you’ve dragged with yourself the state of Tamil Nadu by branding yourself a Madrasan (South India is made of 4 states, and none of them have as much of hatred for North Indians as you do alone). While you thought you’re being witty, you’ve delved into a debate in an ignoble territory, a debate with decidedly crass, racist and divisive statements.

Please keep this bigotry to yourself. Clearly, shit has hit the fan.

Agrim